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Monday, January thirteenth, 7a.m..
I was sitting on my bed, dressed, but still wired up to those damned IV and oxygen.
I still didn't knew what I was going to invent to stay out of troubles and out of sight... I was afraid that since so many people were bound to have seen the video that had been on tv everyday from Christmas to New Year, too many could connect some dots that were dangerous for me. And dangerous for the security of anyone and everyone implicated with the HQ's activities.
I didn't had much of a choice. I had to tell Iruka about all this, and soon.
Mes fingers against my thigh were tapping a bass line that was playing in my head. The name of the song was eluding me.
I didn't knew who had been charged of my 'extraction' - read here: 'getting out of Tsunadedom'. I had to go back home to take my school stuff. I had to find something to explain my absence to the school authorities - if Sensei hadn't already done it. And I would probably end up late at school too.
The door opened on Tsunade and a tray, followed by Raidou. He made a little smile at me over Tsunade's shoulder whose owner wanted me to gulp down the tray's content. I was fed up with her attempts to fatten me up.
I undid the IV and the tubing running on my face.
"Kakashi, what are you doing? Sit back on this bed and eat - you won't get out of here as long as..." tried Tsunade.
"As long as what? I stayed as long as you wanted - now, either I get out of here with Raidou, either I get out of here on my own by the window and the outer wall!"
I almost jumped out from the bed - which was a rather bad idea since my head immediately began to throb. But I hid it, grabbed the shoes laying on the floor, and walked to the door. Tsunade's face changed color, tried to say something, moved her arms up and down and then just gave up.
"Okay... At least come here tonight for a complete check-up."
She knew very well that I would have gone out of here by the window if she had forced me to stay any longer. I'm not kidding when I say that this part of the HQ bring up too many bad memories. She nodded, admitting defeat, to Raidou who followed me.
I forced myself to stay standing up and walking straight from the Infirmary to the already packed car park. It was only once at Raidou's car - a real one, not like the piece of junk Genma dared to call a car - that I allowed myself to lean heavily against the metal, and to catch back my breath.
" 'Kashi, you're okay?"
I didn't answer Raidou, just motioned for him to open the door. He helped me to get in, and it was a blessing to sit - my hip was literally killing me. It was all my fault anyway, I had had no reason to get so cocky-proud-whatever - but this morning's Tsunade had been the proverbial drop, and adrenaline provided by anger a good fuel. It was the coming down part that wasn't going that smoothly. My throat was protesting against the abuse too - it was still raw and sore, making me croak instead of speaking, and it didn't look like it was about to change soon.
Raidou sat behind the wheel, looking worried.
"You really want to go to school? I can get you home and ask Rin to come over..."
"No, no, I'll be alright... just buy me a giant caffè Moka at the next Starbucks..." I answered from the depth of my seat.
He didn't say anything else until we stopped in front of my house.
"You need something in particular?" he said. He didn't look like he was about to let me get out of the car.
"Rai', I can still stand up, thanks!"
I opened the door with more force than necessary, and got out of the car as violently - which wasn't a good idea, as seen earlier with jumping out of bed and striding. The fit of anger disappeared as quickly as it came, and I leaned against the closed door. Raidou got out much more calmly.
I was acting like an asshole.
"Raidou..."
"...mhm?"
"Forgive me... I..."
"You're fed up with having us on your back, don't you?"
"That doesn't excuse the fact I'm acting as an asshole... First with Rin, then Tsunade and now you..."
The street was a bit more animated than usual - it wasn't anywhere near 'crawling with people', and the trees were still as skeletal as ever between the mail boxes, but there were sound of car's doors slamming in the chilly morning, moms dragging their kids to the family's 4x4, guys kissing their wife and old people looking at the morning's ballet from behind their lacy curtains. There were two stains in this normal and pretty picture and they were parked in front of my house.
I sighed. There was too much stuff happing at the same time and I didn't exactly had my head clear enough to grasp everything. I walked carefully to the door. Raidou followed.
He cleared his throat before stepping in. This fucking place was as welcoming as an empty fridge... and just as heated.
"Kakashi..."
I found my bag where I had left it, against the wall between living and kitchen. I didn't bother looking for what I would forget - as long as I had a piece of paper and some pen, no-one would bother me.
"Kakashi?"
It's only when Raidou waved his hand in front of my face that I understood he had been calling me for the past five minutes.
"You're sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, yeah... was just thinking about something..."
I turned back toward the door, to not have to see him anymore, to not read worry plainly etched onto his features. I had my hand on the doorknob when he cleared his throat again. I leaned against the door, my forehead against the wood, my back to him.
"Please stop beating around the bush. Whatever you have to say, just spill it," I sighed.
I was tired, but I'd have rather die than admit it. I had the nagging feeling this was the way I'd go too.
"They're afraid. Me too."
"Afraid of what?"
"That... That you..."
The house seemed colder than outside, I wanted to get out of here, grab Iruka and locking the both of us in a -big- closet for not to get out before a few months. Okay. I really was tired. I turned back toward Raidou, and he was looking everywhere but in front of him.
"Spill it," I said, not caring about how it went out. He looked at me straight in the eye.
"That things'll go like after Obito's death."
"What?"
"They're afraid - because you're beginning to react in the exact same way, trying to drive people as far away from you as possible..."
"This is bullshit..."
"I understand why you're doing it! It's also your best defense mechanism, and you get it out when you're feeling that you're loosing ground! But you know what? You won't get rid of us that easily this time - when will it go into your thick skull that. You're. Not. Alone!"
"That's not a reason to breath down my neck as if I was about to shatter in a million pieces! That's not a reason to twist the knife in the wound and make me feel sharply that I'm not good enough! That I failed! That ...the kid died because of me! Just like... just like..."
I don't know at what point we began yelling. I don't know at what point my mouth decided to have a direct connection to my brain without my consent. I know that suddenly, I was feeling nothing but the burning tears sliding down my cheeks and tasting like my anger, my shame and my guilt. Raidou looked like he had been hit by lightning on the other side of the room, mouth and eyes wide open. I turned my head, staring at the wall on my right.
"What? 'Kashi, nobody died because of you -is that what you're really thinking?! Kakashi, the kid was already deadly poisoned with carbon monoxide when you got him out! What happened isn't your fault! Obito d... he didn't die because of you either."
I wiped at my eyes with a piece of sleeve, trying to get my breath back. The sobs-wannabe I was keeping inside to the best of my abilities were killing my lungs, and my throat was feeling raw and bleeding again.
"You weren't there..." I whispered.
"What?... Kakashi?"
I raised a hand, lowering my head so as not to have to see him.
"Could we stop the big chick flick moment and actually go? Please?"
"We seriously have to talk about all of this one of this days Kakashi, keeping all that bottled up inside isn't healthy."
"Can we go now?!" I repeated, a bit more violently.
He shut up, but it was clear that we weren't done with this conversation. I'd had rather liked that we were done for good, and not to have to say anything ever, even if it was very distantly related, about what I had involuntarily spilled. I opened the door and closed it back behind him without a word before following him to the car.
The ride 'till school was spent in a deafening silence.
He parked without a word on the students' cars park - there were only empty cars and chatting moms, a guy shutting down his car in a hurry before running for the school's gate and doors. A lone bus rumbled back toward the city after having disembarked its passengers.
I was late. It was better. This way, there was less people to see me pathetically drag myself in the halls.
I got out of the car more slowly than earlier, and closed the door with as much precautions, before beginning to limp my way to the gate.
"Hey, Kakashi!"
Raidou had his window down. I just turned my head toward him - but I looked at the roof of his car, not at his face by the window.
"Sensei took care of all the administrative troubles, so don't worry about all of this."
I didn't trust my mouth enough for the moment - I just nodded.
"Okay, so... see you tonight," he said, then rolled up his window and started his car again.
I nodded to him one last time before crossing the school's gates.
The corridors were empty already - I heard one or two lockers shutting quickly, and hurried footsteps. It was rather weird to see the building empty when I knew it was packed... just as if I had stepped into a TV show before the characters arrived. Be nice to me for the present divagation: I had time to kill before making it to the class seeing how fast I was going.
The english classes' room didn't arrive fast enough for my hip's taste. I breathed deep, hoping to have found back a human face since Raidou and me's 'discussion', and finally knocked to the door before stepping in.
Utter and complete silence.
The teacher's substitute, a weasel-looking guy wearing glasses, looked down at me. I kept my gaze on his feet.
"You must be Hatake, it's nice of you to finally join us. Go sat at your place."
I begin to limp to an empty desk - the bastard cleared his throat, making me stop.
"Must I remind you that wearing hats inside is forbidden, Hatake? Please take your cap off."
You just did remind me fucker. I didn't answer, raised my left hand and took off my hat. The silence was suddenly cut by whisperings and muffled exclamations. I kept my eye on the ground. A good thing I had put back the bandages this morning, it was covering a good part of the wounds - but it was obvious I wasn't in top form. For most of the class if not all of it, it was also the first time they were seeing my face.
I didn't exactly want to see how Iruka was reacting.
The substitute resumed his lesson as soon as I sat down, but the whispers disappeared only after the first hour, though I could literally feel the not especially discreet stares that followed. At this stage, it had been a while since I had put the substitute's voice on background, and I was more or less sleeping with my eye open on my chair, pen and notebook open and unseen before me.
I should have listen to Raidou and stay at my place. I wasn't exactly hurting anywhere - I was... tired-empty. The conversation with Raidou had been emotionally draining, and I hadn't been-wasn't exactly in shape to have it. And this was the very reason why we had had it in the first place. And speaking of emotionally draining, I was afraid I wasn't done for today.
I didn't even realized the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. It took Zabuza waving before my eye for me to startle back to reality.
"Hey Kakashi, you're sure you're all right?"
"Yeah, peachy..."
I kept staring at the desk while putting back my stuff in my bag. In the corner of my eye, I could see, behind Zabuza's boots, a pair of tired sneakers - Iruka's. My heart was playing battle drums against my ribs. I... I was afraid to look up and meet his eyes. I was afraid to look up and see that he had put the pieces of the puzzle together and... that he didn't want me anymore...
I was definitively more tired than I thought.
I hold back -poorly- a pain and surprise laced hiss when Zabuza grabbed my right arm to lift me from the desk before dragging me out of the classroom. I had kept my eye on the floor, but I saw the substitute teacher, still looking down at me.
One second later and we were in the crowded corridors. I had hastily put back my hat on - no need for us to attract more attention. Zabuza was still dragging me, and I was forced to follow the move, my hip protesting high and loud against the treatment. Iruka was following us. We finally stopped in a deserted part of a corridor.
Zabuza gave me back my arm, and I had to lean against the wall to find back my equilibrium. My bag slipped down to the floor. zabu-man raised a hand before I had the time to open my mouth, and slammed it against the wall next to my head - on my blind side - forcing me to look in front of me, not quite in his eyes.
"Forget the other a minute-" The other couldn't be anyone less than Itachi - and I was about to indirectly ask him why he wasn't on the King's heels. "-And think about you, shit! What happened this morning for you to look like death fucking warmed over?!"
For Zabuza to swear, he had to be worried - or so angry you'd better be looking for a anti-nuclear shelter.
"Nothing..."
"My ass! And look at me when I'm talking to you man!"
He slammed his hand against the wall again, too close from my head. I couldn't help but jump a bit, and my reaction made him narrow his eyes.
"You're not on the field Hatake. Think about you first - that's an order."
He had hissed the last part, hitting the wall with his hand once more to emphasize his order. I saw Iruka above Zabuza's shoulder, frowning at us, but there was worry and something else too in his gaze. I ground my teeth. Zabuza was the operative there, not me. I had to obey to a direct order.
"Go back home Kakashi, call Rin or Kodia or hell even Genma if you want, but I don't want to see you here when you can't even stand on your own!"
He suddenly walked back and left from where we had come - probably to keep an eye on Itachi - but he first passed Iruka who hadn't moved, and pointed me.
"Make sure your stupid ass of a boyfriend do as I said!"
And with that, he left.
There was a awkward moment, and then Iruka literally threw himself into my arms and hugged me as if his life depended on it. I hugged him hard in response, swallowing my breaths as well as I could around the lump in my throat.
"Oh thank God, thank God you're all right..."
He had switched back to using his native tongue under the emotion. He stepped back just enough to look at me in the eye, grabbed my face and kissed me, hard. I think panic mode made a fleeting appearance, too many feelings at the same time - relief, want, happiness, affection, trust and a few other I couldn't name - but I don't think he noticed and put his forehead against mine.
"What happened to you 'kashi, what happened?"
I could have broke down and cried out of sheer relief. I closed my eye and put my head in the crook of his neck.
"Why didn't you answer my messages? What happened to you?" he asked again.
I shook my head against him. "Iruka... I..." I breathed deep. "I can't tell you, not yet. But I promise, I swear I'll tell you everything soon."
He hugged me more tightly.
"Kakashi... it's frightening me - you're frightening me sometimes, but I know I can trust you."
There was a strange undertone to his voice. I raised my head to seen him, to see his eyes. He looked tired.
"Iruka? Something's wrong?"
He smiled tightly, before glancing around him quickly, in a deliberate manner.
"I should be the one asking this, no? ...I... No, forget it, you'll take me for a nutcase..."
"Iruka! Stop- trust me, okay? Tell me what's wrong..."
I took his hands in mines. He glanced around again, and I guessed and well as felt what he was doing. He was looking for chakra sources.
I think my heart forgot to beat and started back quicker. No-one from the HQ knew, I hadn't said anything yet - please, someone, something, don't tell me Shigeru targets him, please no...
"I... I felt people - people who were following me. I saw some at the pub - and I could see them even with my back turned. It's crazy, huh?"
He laughed without any joy in it - full of fear, of doubt. I surprised him by looking at him straight in the eyes, suddenly too serious, jaw tightened. Not Shigeru, anything, anyone but Shigeru...
"Since when?- Iruka, do you see some of them in here, at school?"
"But it's nothing - I must be tired or something, imagining things..."
I tightened my hold on his hands, driven my the adrenalina brought by apprehension, by the fear he could be in danger even there.
"Iruka, answer me."
He hold his breath, searched something in my eyes. What he found, I have no idea. The words that followed were nothig more than a breath.
"Before Christmas. I see you. Zabuza. Itachi. There are others, around school. Not in."
Before Christmas? Damn it, Naruto.
Itachi? Why everything was always happening at the same time? My mental representation raised his arms to the skies and ranted angrily at the injustice of the world.
The bell rang the end of the break. I realized I was breathing too quickly. I put my hands on his shoulders, still looking right in his eyes.
"Iruka, listen to me. Get back to class, and as soon as you can, tell what you just told me to Zabuza, and no one else, and stick to him like his shadow."
"What?"
"Tell him I ask him to keep an eye on you. Please, do it."
I grabbed my bag, before hugging him again.
"Forgive me."
I turned. He caught me back a step later, frowning and worried.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
I wanted to protect him, but there was something else too. I didn't knew this emotion. It was making me forget I ached all over, that there was a gaping hole somewhere in me. I was feeling like I could do anything.
I wasn't going to lose him. I didn't knew from where was coming this certainty, but it was there like a tiny sun.
"To go transmit my informations - and ask for permission to tell you everything."
He blinked.
"I'll explain everything as soon as I can."
The second bell rang, and I left the corridor. I had to go to the HQ as quickly as possible - I had to tell Sensei about Iruka, to ask him for the authorisation to tell Iruka everything, to tell him about Itachi who was like us and how in the hells it was possible, we should have felt it at some point or another...
I was abruptly grabbed by my bag from the emptying corridor to an empty office. I lost my precarious equilibrium and landed hard on the ground. The door shut a few centimeters from my feet.
And Itachi Uchiha leanded above me like a vampire from the old Hammer's movies, his eyes red - red and bright and dangerous and not, not normal.
"Hatake. It's time for us to have a little chat."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO End twenty-third chapter OoOoOoOoO